How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type

• Opposites are often drawn to each other. One tends to talk as the other listens. Extroverts may have more friends but they are not necessarily better friends. People who are agreeable will have relationships with less conflict and there is no correlation between extroversion and agreeableness. At the end of the day, an introvert may crave downtime while an extrovert longs for company. (Doug: Ideally people entering a relationship would take Cain’s test so they know up front the personality type and typical needs of each other.

Cultivating Quiet Kids

• Parents and teachers need to recognize personality types and deal with them accordingly. Chapter 10 gives lots of great advice and examples. Don’t try to change a kid. Expose children to new situations and people gradually. Note and respect their limits. Never call a child shy.
• Schools should prepare kids for life, but often kids need to be prepared for surviving schools, which are often designed for extroverts. Teachers should balance their lessons to allow for both types. Parents should meet with teachers to discuss their child’s needs. Both should read this book!

Love is Essential, Gregariousness is Optional.

• Spend your free time the way you want, even if it means staying home on New Year’s Eve.
• If your children are quiet, help them make peace with new situations and new people, but otherwise, let them be themselves. Don’t expect them to follow the gang and encourage them to follow their passions.
• If you’re a teacher, enjoy your gregarious and participatory students and cultivate the shy, the gentle, the autonomous, those with a single-minded passion.
• If you are a manager, ask employees to solve problems alone before sharing their ideas, and give them quiet places to work alone.

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