Author Archive

Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein

Saturday, July 11th, 2020
Boys and Sex

Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein finishes what she started with Girls and Sex, which is also summarized here. Once again she has conducted many interviews with young men and experts in many fields to paint a picture of how the same social forces that impact girls impact boys. Like her book on girls, all parents, boys, and girls should read my summaries and then get the books.

Introduction: What About the Boys?

  • For this book Peggy increased the sample size of the boys she interviewed to over 100 (She interviewed 72 for the Girls book.) Again they were in college or heading for college and represented a geographical, racial, and sexual orientation mix. Unlike the “Girls” book she included trans genders here. Although she is old enough to be their mother, she felt that they were generally more forthcoming than the girls. It was also much easier to get parent permission. While parents talk precious little to their daughters about sex, they talk even less about it with their sons.

1. Welcome to Dick School

  • Nearlly all of the boys in the study had egalitarian views about girls, thought they were smart and had platonic female friends. This is fairly new. Their definitions of masculinity, however, are right out of the 1950s. They included emotional detachment, rugged good looks, sexual prowess, athleticism, and the potential for wealth. Showing emotions is what girls do, which is not a good thing for boys. The young men who most internalize these masculine norms are more likely to have: sexually harassed a girl, bullied other boys, been victims of verbal or physical violence, engaged in binge-drinking, caused a car accident, been painfully lonely, been less happy, fewer close friends, been depressed, and been suicidal. They clearly pay a big price for being manly as do those around them.
  • Generally, boys only discuss emotions and feelings with girlfriends, sisters, and their moms. With women doing the emotional labor, boys end up stunted in a state of arrested development. Toxic masculinity deals with emotional suppression, disparagement of the feminine, and bragging about sexual conquest. This is prominent in the “jock culture” and featured in “locker room talk.” As a result, athletes are three times more likely to be accused of sexual misconduct. In order to see things like rape as ok or even hilarious, boys learn to disregard others’ feelings as well as their own.

2. If It Exists, There Is Porn of It

  • The big takeaway here is that today’s children are guinea pigs in a massive porn experiment and assessing porn’s impact isn’t easy as very little research funding is directed its way. All of the boys admitted to watching porn and some admitted to watching a lot. Parents and educators need to understand that porn is where their kids get most if not all of their sex ed. Intentional searches usually start when boys are 12 to 14. This is when most start to masturbate as they watch.
  • Watching porn is likely to cause young people to become sexually active sooner, to have more partners, to have higher rates of pregnancy, to be more sexually aggressive, to view women more negatively, and to engage in more risky and atypical sexual behaviors depicted in porn. It can cause less pleasure from partnered sex, concerns about penis size, and anxiety (erectile disfunction) when engaging in foreplay.
  • Perhaps main-stream media is more to blame as the scripts boys consume from childhood continuously objectify, demean, and are hostile or indifferent towards women. Unlike porn, which the boys know is about as real as professional wrestling, movies and TV shows are much more believable. Women in the business are often harrassed. The same is true for hip-hop music, the most popular music genre in the US who’s most devoted fans are typically white, suburban boys who are unlikely to know any black people.

3. Are You Experienced? Life and Love in a Hookup Culture

  • Hookups presume a lack of connection and commitment although it can be the first step toward a relationship. Physical intimacy is the precursor to emotional intimacy if it happens at all. This is just the opposite of what most people experienced in previous generations. What happens during a hookup is rather vague. It can be anything from making out on the dance floor to intercourse. Some boys never engage in it while others do so every week. It is most common among affluent, white heterosexuals, and predominant in Greek life.
  • Hookups are embedded in a school’s drinking culture. “Pre-game” afternoon drinking even when there isn’t a game leads to an evening of more drinking so when it’s time to hookup, both parties are often “hammered.” Boys are often told to ask permission prior to engaging in sex and to make sure the girl isn’t too drunk to know what she is doing. Hookup culture aligns with the values of contemporary masculinity: conquest over a connection, sex as status-seeking, and partners as disposable. Even for boys, they can be an emotional minefield causing inadequacy, anxiety, insecurity, confusion, disappointment, and embarrassment. There is a lot of peer pressure put on boys to hookup and brag about it. If boys understand this, at least they can make educated choices.
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How to Know When It’s Time to See a Chiropractor? by Dr. Brent Wells, D.C.

Thursday, July 2nd, 2020
Woman holding hed 2

How to Know When It’s Time to See a Chiropractor?

by Dr. Brent Wells, D.C. is a good place to start if you are having pain or issues with your back or other joints. I have gone to chiropractors for many years and they have “fixed” a number of nagging issues for me. They will want to see you on a regular basis, but if you can’t afford that they can at least offer relief in the short run.

Introduction

  • It can be difficult to know when is the right time to see a chiropractor. While it might be easy to ignore or muster through pain and limited movements, this can drastically affect your lifestyle. If you’re not able to move or do the things you love it can prove to be very troublesome, both mentally and physically. Below are a few signs that you can use to tell when it might be time to make an appointment.

The Benefits of Using Chiropractic Care

  • Using chiropractic care comes with a handful of health benefits. One of the most important is that it helps to decrease tension and improve flexibility. Regular treatments can also naturally treat degenerative joint and tissue problems, such as arthritis.
  • Chiropractors also use massage therapy to help with relieving pain and inflammation. If you’re a little nervous about having adjustments done, you could instead opt for a healing massage. In addition to this, physical rehab is usually offered. This can help with improving your range of motion while using hands-on techniques to train your body.

How Often Should You Get a Chiropractic Adjustment?

Man Holding Head

Six Signs That You Need to See a Chiropractor

  • 1. You Have a Limited Range of Motion
    One of the most tell-tale signs that you need to see a chiropractor is that you have a limited range of motion. This indicates that your body has a joint problem that is limiting your mobility. Why this happens depends on various issues, but it’s mainly caused by arthritis or spine injuries. A chiropractor will help to realign your joints and muscles by doing different types of manipulations. They will feel around areas on your back, neck, and shoulders, to find places of tension. They might even ask you to do specific stretches so they can better see how your body moves. Once they identify problematic areas, they will expertly move your body in a way to help provide relief. This will also improve circulation in the area which can prevent future flexibility issues.
  • 2. You’re Suffering From Chronic Pain
    If you suffer from chronic pain, such as in your face, back, or neck, it might be time to stop by a chiropractic office. Chronic pain can be treated by a chiropractor with the use of spinal manipulations. Because your spine interacts with most areas of your body, these manipulations will help to treat inflammation and tension almost anywhere.
  • 3. You Have Intense or Frequent Headaches
    Headaches are caused by a variety of different things. This includes stress, tension, spending too much time on the computer, environmental stimuli, or an underlying medical condition, like extreme intracranial pressure or tumors. A chiropractor will adjust your neck in certain directions to help release tension. Known as cervical manipulation, this adjustment uses force to apply pressure to your neck’s joints. This helps to realign them while also reducing any pressure in surrounding muscles. Besides adjustments, your chiropractor will also recommend natural ways to prevent headaches, such as avoiding teeth clenching and drinking plenty of water. After a few treatments, you should find that your headaches will decrease in their pain and number.
  • 4. There’s Shooting Pain Down Your Legs
    Shooting pain down your legs shows that your body is having nerve problems, such as sciatica, or has a herniated disc.
    To help relieve this pain, a chiropractor will do spinal manipulations. These will stop muscle spasms while also releasing endorphins to help naturally relieve pain. A handful might also use a special device, such as an activator, that stimulates your nerves. Rather than using their hands, a chiropractor will move this device up and down your spine to apply short impulses to surrounding joints, muscles, and nerves.
  • 5. You Have Severe Sinus Congestion
    Some might be surprised to learn that chiropractors can help with healing sinus congestion. In fact, chiropractors often successfully treat this issue without you needing to take medications for it. By using manipulations on your upper spine, they’ll be able to release pressure around your main sinus passageway resulting in fluid drainage. They might also apply pressure to certain portions of your face near the nasal cavities to stimulate the nerves.
  • 6. You Tend to Sit Often
    If you have a job that requires you to sit for hours each day, you might want to stop by a chiropractic office. A sedentary life can put a lot of pressure on your spine, especially if you use a poor sitting position. Chiropractic care can improve your spine’s health and encourage you to use correct posture. (Doug: You should also look into getting a desk that lets you stand or sit.)
  • Knowing the right time to see a chiropractor can be tough. By keeping these tips in mind, you’ll know when your body requires this extra help. Check out the references below for more information.

Dr. Brent Wells, D.C.

  • Dr. Brent Wells, D.C. is the creator of Better Health Chiropractic & Physical Rehab which has multiple locations throughout Alaska. He belongs to the American Academy of Spine Physicians (AASP) and the American Chiropractic Association. He founded Better Health Chiropractic & Physical Rehab and has been a chiropractor for over 20 years. His practice has treated thousands of patients from different health problems using services designed to help give long-lasting relief.
  • Dr. Wells is also the author of over 700 online health articles that have been featured on sites such as Dr. Axe, Organic Facts, and Thrive Global. He continues his education to remain active and updated in all studies related to neurology, physical rehab, biomechanics, spine conditions, brain injury trauma, and more.

References

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Girls and S*x: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein

Monday, June 22nd, 2020

Girls and S*x

Girls and S*x: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein tells the real story of what it’s like being a girl from middle school to college in today’s highly sexualized climate. Peggy scoured current research and had in-depth interviews with over seventy high school and college girls to compile this gripping and sometimes discouraging story. I first listened to the book on Audible prior to buying the physical cook for this summary. I just got Boys and S*x and will post my summary soon. I use the asterisk to avoid having Google Ads not post ads for these reviews.

Introduction

  • For this book Peggy interviewed more than seventy young women between the ages of fifteen and twenty, which is when most become sexually active. The group was diverse in terms of religion, politics, race, family composition, wealth, and sexual identification. They were, however, self-selected but all were hungry to talk about things like masturbation, oral sex, orgasm, and the complicated terrain of the hookup culture. Fully half experienced something on the coercion to rape spectrum.
  • Despite seismic changes in expectations and opportunity, they are still subject to the same old double standard. Sexually active girls are “sluts” while boys are “players.” Good girls are shamed as virgins and prudes. Here the opposite of a negative is still a negative. Peggy found that the conversations changed her. In preparation, she also reviewed the literature and talked to psychologists, sociologists, pediatricians, educators, journalists, and other experts.

1. Matilda Oh Is Not an Object – Except When She Wants to Be

  • At least some boys are very abusive with language, social media use, and even physical touching. Authorities often make things worse with actions that blame the victim. Blaming girls’ clothing for the thoughts and actions of boys, for example, is counterproductive and only a step from “she was asking for it.” Girls often engage in self-objectification, which can lead to depression and lower self-esteem. They learn that as females they need to project sex appeal. In addition to striving to be smart, nice, and friendly, they need to do it all while looking ‘hot’. As a man, Bruce Jenner used his body to win gold. As a woman, Caitlin Jenner displayed her body for attention.
  • Girls are also more likely to use social media to show off their bodies with or without sexy clothing and are quick to tell each other they look hot. They are twice as likely to be coerced to send sexts as early as middle school, and many consider it to be safe sex. Thanks to celebrities like Kim Kardashian, the butt has become the latest body part to reduce women to objects. Unfortunately, Kim and her fellow divas encourage young girls to package their sexuality.
  • The behavior of many popular celebrities like Miley Cyrus has lead to many young women dressing and behaving like the people they see on screen. Seventy percent of prime-time TV now contains sexual content. Movies also affect how girls and boys behave when they get together for parties.
  • The role of pornography has also had an impact. Almost all boys watch it, which changes their expectations when it comes to having real sex. A lot of porn scenes feature the denigration of women as well. Like it or not, porn has a very large role in sex education for this generation. For many, it’s how they learn what sex is. To them, things like oral and anal sex are the norm. Porn also adds to the objectification of girls promoted by other media. Competing with porn stars can cause some girls to believe that they need to put on a show to keep a partner’s interest.
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How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease by Michael Greger, M.D. with Gene Stone

Monday, June 15th, 2020
How Not to Die

How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease by Michael Greger, M.D. with Gene Stone explains what you can do to avoid dying from the 15 most common causes. It can also serve as a reference for current research on health and wellness with a focus on nutrition. Consider listening to it on Audible as I did and good luck living up to the title.

Doug’s Introduction

  • At 405 pages of reading plus 157 pages of notes and index, this is more of a reference book than an easy read. I listened to it first on Audible and then ordered it so I could look up things when I wanted to. As a result, this summary will be less detailed than my usual efforts, but it should still be valuable in its own right. How Not to Die can be summed up in three phrases: don’t Smoke (duh), exercise regularly, and eat plants. These are all things I do. Prior to listening to this book I had been gradually cutting animal products from my diet. Now I am a total vegan, at least at home. I’m also well ahead of my goal of running 1,000 miles this year, and I feel great. I hope this works for you and your family too.

Dr. Greger’s Introduction

  • Most deaths in the US are preventable, and they are strongly related to what we eat. Diet is the number one cause of death and disability. However, only a quarter of medical schools offer a single course in nutrition. When California tried to require nutritional training for doctors the California Medical Association was successful in stopping it. This is because the medical system is set up to financially reward prescribing pills and procedures. They don’t profit from lifestyle medicine. The one thing medical schools do require is pain management and end-of-life care.
  • Our genes only account for about 10 to 20 percent of death risk. The rest is essentially our diet. Rates of heart disease and major cancers differ up to 100 fold among various populations around the world who have different diets. There is wide agreement in the research that healthy diets are plant-based and non processed. By this measure, the Standard American Diet with the ironic acronym SAD, scores pretty low. Although life expectancy has increased there are fewer functional years at the end. Some indicators suggest that life expectancies will decrease. In the early 1900s, the main causes of death were infectious diseases. Now we are likely to die from lifestyle diseases like heart attacks and cancer. Diseases run in families because diets run in families.

Part I – How not to die from each of the 15 most common causes of death

  • This part of the book features a chapter on each disease. While every chapter deals with plant-based nonprocessed diets as the primary way to not die, each has its own details. Here is a list of the 15 top killlers.
  • 1. Coronary heart disease
  • 2. Lung diseases (cancer, COPD, and asthma)
  • 3. Iatrogenic diseases (diseases that result from doctor errors, drug side effects, and hospital-born infections)
  • 4. Brain Diseases (stroke and Alzheimer’s)
  • 5. Digestive cancers (colorectal, pancreatic, and esophageal)
  • 6. Infectious (respiratory and blood)
  • 7. Diabetes
  • 8. High blood pressure
  • 9. Liver disease (cirrhosis and cancer)
  • 10. Blood cancers (leukemia, lymphoma, and myeloma)
  • 11. Kidney disease
  • 12. Breast Cancer
  • 13. Suicide
  • 14. Prostate cancer
  • 15. Parkinson’s disease

Introduction to Part 2

  • Until he read Dr. Dene Ornish’s Lifestyle Heart Trial in 1990 Dr. Gerger’s diet was full of animal fat, salt, and sugar. He, therefore, speaks from experience regarding how a healthy diet can keep one healthy. To help you know what to eat more of, he created the Traffic Ligth system. Green foods are unprocessed plant foods, Yellow foods are processed plant foods and unprocessed animal foods. Red foods are ultra-processed plant foods and processed animal foods. USDA guidelines tell us to eat less added sugar, calories, cholesterol, saturated fat, sodium, and trans fat. That’s code for eating less junk food, less meat, less dairy, fewer eggs, and less processed food. They can’t say that for political reasons as the people who make unhealthy foods donate and lobby the government to prevent it.
  • For the purposes of the Traffic Light model Dr. Greger thinks of “unprocessed” as nothing bad added, nothing good taken out. Tomato juice might be better than tomatoes as all of the good things are still there. The removal of fat from cacao beans to make cocoa powder is a good thing, but try finding something to eat that contains cocoa powder with no added sugar. It may be difficult for most people to eat only plants, but the closer you can get the better, and your body can recover from the occasional insult like when you visit friends who kindly serve you animal products. It’s the day to day stuff that matters the most. Like most people, I eased into a plant-based diet by gradually removing meat, dairy, and eggs from what I thought was already a healthy diet. While some go “cold turkey” on these foods, most don’t.
  • Doug: Although he doesn’t focus on it, eating plants is also good for the environment as a it takes roughly ten pounds of plants to create a pound of meat. This saves water, cuts down on pesticides and fertilizers, and greatly reduces the production of greenhouse gasses. Animal lovers can also feel good as no animals are slaughtered for the sake of their diets. Dr. G also recommends organic foods and foods that are grown locally as they are also better for the environment.

Dr. Greger’s Daily Dozen

  • This second half of the book shifts from why to how. There is a chapter for each of Dr. Greger’s Daily Dozen, which are the things you need to eat and do every day. Here you find specific information for each along with suggestions for preparation. The number of daily servings is in parentheses.
  • 1. Beans (3)
  • 2. Berries (1)
  • 3. Other Fruits (3)
  • 4. Cruciferous Vegetables (1)
  • 5. Greens (2)
  • 6. Other Vegetables (2)
  • 7. Flaxseeds (1 Tbl/day)
  • 8. Nuts (1)
  • 9. Spices (1) (Dr. G is big on tumeric, but just about all spices except salt and suger are good for you.)
  • 10 Whole Grains (3)
  • 11. Beverages (5) (Water, various teas, and coffee are good, but you are better off eating whole fruit than drinking sugar laden fruit juice.)
  • 12. Exercise (1) (If all you can do is walk, that’s just fine.)

Conclusion

  • No matter how closely you adhere to the advice in this book, you can always get hit by a bus (metaphorically or literally. You should take precautions when possible like wearing your seat belt and bicycle helmet. Make each day count with fresh air, laughter, and love for yourself and others. People get great pleasure from eating calorie-dense foods that contain lots of sugar and fat. (Think icecream) With effort, the same pleasures can be had from eating calorie-sparse plants.
  • Once you finish this book it’s time to go to Nutritionfacts.org. It’s free but it does accept tax-deductible donations. It continuously keeps track of the thousands of research articles published on nutrition each year. The goal here is to give you the information you need to empower and inspire you to make healthy changes in your life. I know it has done that for me. The idea is not to “go on a diet” but to permanently change your diet. Living a long and healthy life is a choice. We are all going to die, but we don’t want it to be our fault. Thanks Dr. G.

Dr. Michael Greger

  • Michael is a physician, author, and internationally recognized speaker on nutrition, food safety, and public health. He runs a popular Web site NutritionFacts.org, a nonprofit, science-based public service providing free daily videos and articles on the latest nutrition research. He is the director of Public Health and Animal Agriculture at the Humane Society of the United States.

Gene Stone

  • Gene has written many books on plant-based nutrition, including the #1 New York Times bestseller Forks Over Knives. He has also cowritten the bestsellers The Engine 2 Diet and Living the Farm Sanctuary Life.
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Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves (the book can be found here)

Monday, June 8th, 2020
Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves (the book can be found succinctly explains how to deal with emotions creatively and how to employ your intelligence in a beneficial way. There is strong evidence that EQ can be improved with effort and this book can direct that. Higher EQ leads to success on the job and at home so this is a book that everyone can use to forge a better life.

1. The Journey

  • All information from your senses has to pass through the emotional part of your brain (the limbic system) before it gets to the rational or thinking part of your brain (the frontal cortex). It’s the communication between your emotional and rational brains that is the physical source of emotional intelligence or EQ. It is emotional intelligence that explains why people with high IQs don’t consistently outperform people with average IQs.
  • The purpose of this book is to help you increase your EQ. You start by taking the Emotional Intelligence Apprasal online. To see your scores you will need the code at the end of the book, which is only good for one person. This appraisal provides a baseline against which you can judge your improvement. This is a new feature in version 2.0. You can also retake the test after you finish the book to see how much you have learned.

2. The Big Picture

  • Emotional awareness and understanding are not taught in school, but self-knowledge and emotional mastery are required to make good decisions on the job and in life. We have many words to describe our feelings yet all emotions are derivations of five core feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. Here we find twenty different words to describe each. When emotions are intense they can highjack your rational thinking and cause you to react reflexively. Your reaction to these trigger events is shaped by your personal history. Enhanced EQ can help you recognize triggers and let you respond in a rational manner.
  • We all possess the qualities of personality, EQ, and IQ. Of the three, EQ is the one most amenable to improvement. It is also the foundation of a host of critical skills like time management, decision-making, and communications. It is the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence. It is highly correlated with high-performance and salary regardless of the job. The rest of the book will help you improve your EQ.

3. What Emotional Intelligence Looks Like: Understanding the Four Skills

  • The four EQ skills come in two pairs known as personal competencies and social competencies. The first includes self-awareness and self-management. This is where you stay aware of your emotions and manage the resulting behavior and tendencies. Social competencies include social awareness and relationship management. This is where you work to understand other people’s mood, behavior, and motives. Emotions always have a purpose as they shape your reactions to the world around you.
  • Self-awareness is a foundational skill; when you have it the other skills will be easier to use. Self-management is dependent on your self-awareness as it gives you information that you can act on rationally rather than reflexively. Social awareness is also foundational as you need to pick up on the emotions of others so you can better manage your relationships. You need to listen well rather than thinking about what you are going to say next when another person stops talking. Relationships require you to understand others and are based on how you treat them over time. This chapter also contains positive and negative examples of all four skills.
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