The 12 Levers: The Complete Psychological Toolkit for Improving Your Life by Spencer Greenberg and Jeremy Stevenson

If you are suffering from depression, you can either change how you think with help from a therapist, or you can change your behavior, which might only require self-help. Depressed people tend to be inactive. They socialize and exercise less. They often sit around, watch whatever is on TV, eat junk food, and feel sorry for themselves. Research has shown that just moving can help. It can be a walk. Gym workouts and team sports that are social can be a big help. Thinking differently can be much harder than just moving more.
While you may not enjoy a gym workout while you are doing it, you are likely to feel like you are glad you did it. Look for more activities that make you feel this way and make a list. Try to schedule them. Monitor your mood, so you know which activities make you feel relatively better. It’s possible you are depressed because you are overactive. Here is where scheduling relaxing activities can help.

Poor listening is a common barrier to good conversations. Attention can improve conversations. Small talk should be the starting point for conversations, not the destination. Spend less time with small talk and more time in deeper conversation. Most people like talking about their interests. A good way to get deeper is to ask for opinions, but be careful to avoid arguments and trying to always be right. Try to ask good questions. Pretend you are doing an expert interview. Vulnerability leads to stronger connections, but trust must come first.

There is a continuum of conversation styles. On one end is the passive style. On the other end is the aggressive style. In the middle is the assertive style, which is usually the best one to use, although it can be intimidating if you are not careful. Statements starting with “you” can trigger defensiveness. Try “I” statements. If you use a “you” statement, be sure to be specific, objective, and concrete. Always start by being polite and progress to a less polite tone only if necessary. Try the Kind and Effective Communications tool at ClearerThinking.org.

Optimistic people are happier and more resilient. It can be learned and there are tips here to help. The key idea is to view setbacks as temporary. You need a growth mindset, which is one where you believe that your skills and abilities are not fixed, but can be improved. Concentrate on what your best possible self can be and look for opportunities to begin again even in small ways. What you really need is a vision for the future that you want to achieve. Beware of over optimism, which can lead to taking too many risks.

Sometimes the best strategy in life is acceptance rather than resistance. Accepting things you can’t change can bring peace. The example here is a top climber who was partially paralyzed in an accident. After he accepted his condition, he was able to continue climbing with help and more equipment. Self-acceptance is important and should be unconditional. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve. It is important to recognize the things you can control.
There are two types of emotions, natural and manufactured. Sometimes it’s natural and appropriate to feel sad, but as you experience an emotion, ask yourself if you are making it up. If you accept a natural emotion, it will run its course and disappear. It is important to have things in the proper perspective.